I am gathering strength to write my manual on “Lessons I learnt as a single” One crucial point in the manual is what I call 80/20 sexual enjoyment.
Beloved God is interested in all areas of your life: emotional, physical and spiritual. He is interested in who you should spend your life with. He is interested in your love relationship after all God will not marry you hence He’s willing to hand you over to someone FIT for His plans for your life.
How do I know this?
After God created Adam (even though we all sing to the father and say “You are my everything! My everything is you”) God knew Adam(just like us)will need someone special, a companion, a sweetheart. Why? Because there are some things God wanted DONE and there will be a need for a helpmeet, a companion! God desire to have a fellowship with Adam and enjoy him but yet God must have felt like “there are some things only a fellow human being can do for Adam” it is not good that the man should be alone so He found Adam the love of his life “Eve”
God wants you to have that special person who WILL NOT DRAG YOU off God’s TABLE OF FELLOWSHIP. A lady’s life must be so HIDDEN IN GOD that it will take a man who has met God to see her.
But sad enough many singles have slaughtered their fellowship with the Holy Spirit on the altar of love relationship.
When I am teaching on this type of issue then you should know that I have been into the gutter and know what the dirty water taste like though I didn’t swallow it.
When you have a commitment to stand for sexual purity, one way or the other you find out you are in love with someone and you are torn between your EMOTIONS, SALVATION OF YOUR SOUL & YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
This is the stage where we tend to compromise our relationship with God for our relationship with the opposite sex.
I loved the Lord and I wanted to please Him but I also loved my BOYFRIEND and I didn’t want to lose him. Compromise!
What we compromise is 80% what do I mean?
There are so many romantic and sexy stuffs we do when we are with our boyfriends,girlfriends, fiance, fiancee these stuffs make up the 80% sexual enjoyment?
I discovered this hard truth after I got married although I can’t deny knowing it as a single.
When we say we don’t want to have sex with our girlfriends etc (as the case may be) and our passion jolt out of our control sack, what do we do? We do what I call 80% sexual enjoyment.
Kissing, caressing of each other sexual organs, fingering, sucking/oral sex, stroking and all the likes to the point of CLIMAX.
You might defend yourself like I did while in the University: haa haa but we didn’t have sex anyway. Hmmm Holy Spirit of God redeem our soul! What else is left? Just 20%.
In marriage, the major sexual enjoyment stems from the 80% and at the point of direct penetration you are going to the peak and a close (depending on how you and your spouse want it)
Without the 80% the 20% becomes hard and dry. In essence the 80% is meant to be done inside of marriage.
The lie I told myself as a single was that 80% is nothing atleast it is still not 100%
I don’t know the lie you are also telling yourself today but I am persuaded in my heart that God wants you to buy the truth today and sell it not.
Now where do we go from here?
Beloved, God wants you to be happy but you can never have anything call happiness when you put God off like a coat because your passion and emotion hit you hard.
First, your relationship with God is more valuable. I found out that “GOD DIDN’T PROMISE ME A GOOD BOYFRIEND SO I NEVER HAD ONE” you can be friends with the opposite sex and it can possibly culm inate into marriage but don’t give up your soul to keep a boyfriend/girlfriend from leaving you.
God is waiting for you to approach His throne for forgiveness and mercy. Make a new commitment today with God. Cry to Him and He will forgive you. 1. John 1:9, 2. Chronicles 7:14, Isaiah 59:1-2,
2ndly, sacrifice the ungodly relationship. Shocked? Don’t be. I know how many times I kept making new commitment for Purity only to visit my boyfriend and blow it up…my spiritual consciousness awake only after the 80%. I would go for church programs, singles summit, seminars and the likes; take fresh fire, cry over my sins only to lose the power on visiting my boyfriend.
I had to give up 7years dating game to save my soul. God is faithful to give you the best! Trust Him!
BUT it depends on your CONVICTION about your love relationship or courtship, if you feel convinced about the relationship that it is God’s will for you and you adjudge yourself to be blamed for lack of self-control then YOU & YOUR SWEETHEART SHOULD REPORT TO a mentor to reconcile you to God and help MONITOR AND GUIDE YOUR COURTSHIP. Eventhough Adam and Eve’s case is a bit different(they were married) Adam didn’t quit his love relationship with Eve after they fell into the sin of disobedience to God’s instruction. They were both clothed. Be honest with yourself, is your present relationship worth it?
If your relationship is WORTH the trouble go for a counseling with your fiance, fiancee or boyfriend, girlfriend.
Let me tell you, you can’t do this by yourself or else the next time you are together ALL ALONE you will wallow in immorality again and stand up with regret and damnation. You will not sink in Jesus name.
Emotion of love which makes you crave or long for TOUCH will keep coming naturally that is why apostle paul said BRING YOUR BODY “UNDER”
“If you can’t control your body you can’t fulfill God’s purpose for your life”.
Don’t ignite the passion. Let your emotion float if it crops up naturally. Pour yourself into meaningful activities, stop doing short time. Spending your weekend there and sleeping over is dangerous. Hmmm 72hours or less is too long to fight sexual urge while the object of your affection cuddle beside you.
Stop NIGHT CALLS for some time. (hearing a cool, calm and romantic voice can build up your urge) The night time is a powerful time. There’s total quietness, no distractions, you talk and talk and when nothing else reasonable is left to discuss, you shift to expressing your love to each (some people top this kind of romantic tension with masturbation) and you might not know it goes beyond a phone conversation.
Careful with sex talk
Beloved talking about how sex should go in your marriage is not needful when marriage is not in view. There are some books on sex you shouldn’t expose yourself to as a single likewise there are some books you will need to read before you get married. It is all about a question of TIME.
Don’t stir up passion in you.